Me and My Boobs

I have small boobs.  This statement won’t surprise anyone who knows me.  It’s certainly no secret.  It’s not like I wear those chicken-cutlet things in secret compartments in my bras (anymore).

When I was pregnant, my knockers grew to a decent size. The problem was that I kept forgetting I had them and accidentally flashing people because I’d wear scoop-neck tees and bend over too much.  It wasn’t all that sexy since I was knocked up.   Afterward, I was left with shrunken ta-ta’s and stretched-out bras. The experience made me realize that suddenly having boobs isn’t ideal for someone with my retail laziness and lack of poise.

I used to tell everyone that I planned to get a boob job for my 40th birthday.   Recently, I’ve had dreams where I’m sitting in a doctor’s office picking out the size of boobs I want.  Maybe now that 40 isn’t a mystical age reserved only for baby boomers, my brain has decided it’s time to take action.  The thing is I don’t care about having melons anymore.

This is the question that keeps me from exploring breast implants: what on earth would I do with big boobs at this stage in my life?  I’m not seeking a career in acting or modeling.  I’m not trying to lure a new man with my mammary siren song.  And I certainly don’t want to buy new shirts and bras.  Why, oh why, do I need jugs?

Perhaps contentment with oneself is merely a natural by-product of middle age.   That sounds better than ‘I no longer see the point’.

7 thoughts on “Me and My Boobs

  1. Jennifer Walker Morehead November 20, 2011 / 3:53 pm

    This is hilarious Penny. Though I am only 28, I found myself thinking the same thing. When my boobs became grossly enlarged the day after Scarlett was born I had a life revelation. Giant breasts are gross!
    They get in the way, and were put on our bodies to feed our babies. Where did this media supported charade that they are sexy come from?? I’d take my “barely B cup” back in a second! Victorias Secret is the devil:)

  2. geezergirl1 November 21, 2011 / 4:21 am

    hahahaah yer a funny lass. love it. xo j

  3. austin November 21, 2011 / 2:22 pm

    I don’t know, having melons sounds pretty fun to me.

  4. Cassie November 21, 2011 / 10:07 pm

    I have put together my top five for being in the a-cup squad!

    1. They are not saggy before their time.
    2. Clearance Bras do the job just the same as the expensive kind.
    3. Formal wear is a cinch! Just go braless and skip the 5-point harness.
    4. Jogging does not give you two black eyes.
    5. Pasties cover the area intended without ripping off your areola!

    What can I say, my boobs are a hoot!

    • Darian Wilk December 4, 2011 / 2:36 am

      Oh my God this was too funny! Go A-cup squad, I’m a proud member lol!

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