Don’t boss me with your bumper

I don’t care if you kid is on the honor roll.  Good for you and all that crap, but does the person behind you at the stop light really need this information in order to know how to proceed once the light changes?  Is someone going to change political allegiances just because the Ford Focus in the next lane is driven by a democrat?  How did we know the car was driven by a democrat, you ask?  The Obama/Biden bumper sticker, silly!  You listen to Catholic radio?  Congratulations!  Please get your mini-van out of the way so I can get my screaming kids to the McDonald’s drive-thru.   If I can read your sticker I’m too close?  Try not putting reading material on your car if you don’t other cars to invade its personal space. You’d rather be skiing?  Don’t care.  Don’t blame you because you voted for Hillary?  I wasn’t going to blame you, but now I am because you are getting on my nerves.  Eternity: smoking or non-smoking?  Thanks for asking, but it depends on what we’ll be smoking.  It’s been Monday all week?  No it hasn’t- idiot!  Hang up and drive?  Maybe I could talk and drive if I wasn’t also trying to READ YOUR CAR!!

There are, of course, exceptions to every complaint. There’s a message-ridden car frequently parked at the local library that I enjoy.  The car lost its resale value at least five years ago and it’s covered in whimsy.  Lots of ‘my karma hit my dogma’ type of stickers.  Some people have stickers for their own joy.  If seeing your collage of a car every morning gives you happiness, go ahead and treat your car like a homemade book cover from your junior high years.   Just please, please, don’t think that your Saturn is going to convince me to vote for Sarah Palin for anything, unless there’s a contest for most disappointing female.

The only bumper sticker the world really needs reads like this:  Jesus Loves You, But Everyone Else Thinks You’re an Asshole.  That’s a concise message that applies to just about everyone.

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