Scapegoats and Sacred Cows

My take on the Golden Globes in Haiku format:

On the red carpet
Angelina looks like a
Red-lipped bitchy snob

Is it only me
Or did her happy mood end
When she stopped cutting?

Charlize is a babe
Her elephantitis dress
Is distracting though

Oh, Nicole Ritchie?
Actor, reality star
It’s not the same, ass

Johnny Depp looked hot
Voice like he had Ambien
We’d all still hit that

Slow-talking contest
With Freeman and Poitier
Makes me feel sleepy

Toss the bell bottoms
Bad as pants, worse as dresses
Lousy trend, ladies

Elle Mc’s bare elbows
The only clue to her age
Wrinkly folds to see

Lots of background noise
Must have been held at Luby’s
Clinging glasses suck

Who’s that handsome guy
With wrestler Stacy Kiebler?
Uh-oh, no ‘thank you’

Sausage lips galore
Like the set of Cougar Town
Wait, was that cancelled?

Peter Dinklage wins!
My friend Dee crushes on him
She’s into shorties

Ad for Drew B flick
Not interested in this
Saving whales bores me

Jessica Lange, star
Could have done a lot better
Than that tired dress

Burnt red hot dog skin
Hoffman, Rob Lowe, and others
Find a new spray tan

More Angelina
Buy a five dollar foot long
Get over yourself

Sofia V’s boobs
The show must be named for them
Get it, Golden Globes?

Jane Fonda looks great
That’s how surgery is done
Give doc’s card to Madge

Almost over when
I notice I’ve seen no films
It’s all strange to me

I saw one all year
Jason Segel has been robbed
Muppets should have won