Scapegoats and Sacred Cows

This is how I think it goes from what my friends have told me, crap I’ve read here and there, and the reviews on Amazon.

“Hello, are you Mr. Grey? I’m Anastasia.”  Ana gasps and her cheeks flush red beneath her alabaster skin. Holy crap he is hot.

“Yes,” he barked. “What are you doing in my office?”

“I’m sorry. I’m just a virgin. I’m here to interview you for something.”

“Oh really? That’s great because I’m older and pervy. Do you like handcuffs?” He barks again.

Ana’s knees go all wobbly and she falls down.

Mr. Grey extends a smooth yet slightly work-calloused hand. “You can call me,” pause, “Christian.” The name escapes his manly throat breathily as he assists her to her wobbly yet mousy shoes.

He looks to her shoes and chuckles. “We’ll be exchanging those for heels. You know how heterosexual men feel about their lover’s footwear.”

“Oh Jeez, did you say ‘lover’?” Ana feels titillated. Oh, quadruple crap.

Christian’s lips quirk up, because that’s a thing that happens. He stands her upright and steps away. “I have mommy-issues. Please, please, tell me you have daddy-issues.”

“Oh, I do,” she murmurs.

He, ya know, spanks her because that’s what goes on all the time right there.

Christian says, “Ana, let me dress you just like straight men always dress their women.”

Ana bites her lip and nods, then falls down, because apparently she’s quite clumsy.

He touches her nose with his long index finger and she stares into his intense gray eyes (what a coincidence that his last name is Grey, right?) and they do it and she plays the submissive and falls down some more and then she like learns how to take the power back or something and he gets over his mommy-issues and she did it! She changed the bad-boy billionaire and they get married and live happily ever after because that’s what every woman all over the world really wants.