- Courtney Stodden not only exists, but is frequently in the news for wearing stripper heels to the grocery store.
- Though we have a huge problem with poverty and unemployment, the current political discussion in the US is focused around chicken and magic vaginas.
- Everyone’s got their knickers in a bunch about this being a Christian nation, but there’s a Mormon running for office (Mormons don’t believe in the holy trinity or hell and there’s this whole thing about three heavens but I got bored reading about it). I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t believe in coffee.
- High fructose corn syrup.
- Miley Cyrus got a haircut. Are we really supposed to give a shit? There are bigger problems in the world, people. She’s a 19-year-old who had a TV show on Nickelodeon. Prioritize.
- Nobody smokes at concerts anymore.
- Honey Boo Boo is a reality show. I’m not completely sure what it’s about, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the apocalypse.
- Monsanto.
- American Girl dolls—seriously, I don’t get it. That shit is creepy. I really, really hope my daughter doesn’t get into those.
- We’re still talking about Kim Kardashian’s divorce.
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Scapegoats and Sacred Cows 
I had to google courtney stodden, I am so old. And now I think I need to call the police or DHS? I’m confused. Where are her parents?
Perhaps I should be getting my news from more reputable sources than the Daily Mail if I’m getting updates on Courtney Stodden. And her parents suck.
honey boo boo is definitely one of the four horsemen in disguise!
The chubby child of the apocalypse…
I had to google Courtney Stodden, Honey Boo Boo, and American Girl dolls. I really wish I hadn’t. That means you’re on to something, Penni!
It could mean that I need to get a life.