When hosting a holiday gathering, there a few important things to remember.
Do: groom your nails. You can’t prepare food with dirty fingernails! Clean beneath them with something thin and sharp. Don’t: stop until you see blood. Nothing says clean like removing the skin.
Do: brush up on current events for conversation topics. You don’t want to appear ignorant. Don’t: come off too opinionated if you’re a woman. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a vadge with opinions. Just state the facts and smile, ladies.
Do: select the music carefully. Don’t: sing along as if no one is listening. It’s annoying and you sound like crap.
Do: use decorative place cards. Don’t: be afraid of controversy. Go ahead, sit the douchebags next to the asshats and enjoy the show!
Do: serve cocktails. Don’t: roofie your guests. It may seem like a good idea. But the reality is they will all pass out and be stuck at your house. Even the ugly ones you never intended to feel-up.
Make this year’s party one to remember, you crazy slut! Of course, if anyone can remember it, you probably did it all wrong.
Scapegoats and Sacred Cows 
Oh, to be a crazy slut again….
The good old days. Remember those kaboom shots? Sigh…
as usually, the slut flies free to ride again. huh? whatz that mean anyway? right? whatever
Works for me, lady.
My vadge always has
to many opinions. Damn. Kaboom shots?
Your vadge has earned the right to its opinions. The kaboom shots, if I remember correctly, were a shot of vodka followed by a lemon wedge that had been dipped in instant coffee. Delicious! It was an Austin/Casey speciality.