Sure it was tacky, but what’s the big deal?

There’s been a lot of talk about Miley Cyrus’s performance at the VMA’s. I didn’t watch the VMA’s, but I’ve seen clips of the performance. True- it was tacky. But where is all this shock coming from?

Our culture teaches young girl that sexual objectification is a rite of passage. Take a young woman who has been exploited for almost her entire life by the entertainment machine. She’s ready to assert herself as an adult. What did we expect?

Until we’re ready to say ‘no’ to exploitation of children by stage parents, to stop accepting Hollywood’s push that the perfect woman has to be a size 2 woman with DD breasts, stop buying magazines that tell women how to have better sex (you can’t be doing it right or you wouldn’t have relationship issues), and to stop telling girls/women that they are not acceptable until they are ‘worth’ objectifying, this kind of thing will happen.

I don’t get what the big deal is, really. What’s the difference in this and Madonna writhing around in a short wedding dress to ‘Like a Virgin’ all those years ago? We’ve seen countless pop stars in lingerie, lip-synching as she touches herself in front a cheering crowd. This is not something new, or really all that shocking.

Hopefully, Miley will grow up and realize she’s worthy without getting nearly naked. Some women never get it (looking at you, Madonna- put on some pants already). Artistry shouldn’t mean displaying yourself as a sex object in front of the world. But this how Miley Cyrus chose to express herself. We can’t judge her, we created her.

My Friend Berva*

photo from tumbler
photo from tumblr

Catfish the TV show has me watching MTV again for the first time since Headbangers Ball was cancelled. At first, I wondered how these people could be naive enough to believe complete strangers about everything they say. Then I realized I have a friend whom I’m never met, and I adore her. What if she’s not real?

Want to know why I adore her? Berva posted select quotes on FB while watching Showgirls with the commentary:

“Everyone involved in the making of this picture… every single one of them is making the worst possible decision at every possible time. And it’s this incredible density of failure that makes Showgirls sublime.”

“I just don’t remember seeing any strippers on Entertainment Tonight, and nor can I imagine Janet Jackson or Paula Abdul agreeing to do such a show.”

“One of the funniest things I’ve heard at one of these screenings: when she said her name was Nomi, he said, ‘…with a G’?”

“Molly offers to make the dress, but Nomi insists on buying it, even though she hasn’t found a place to live, and we don’t know if she’s paying any rent.”

“It’s bad enough that Nomi kicks everything and starts fires and fights, but look: she LITTERS. What an ASSHOLE.”

“Don’t you hate it when you take your kids to work in your job as a topless dancer, and them someone cusses in front of them?”

Here’s where I joined in: And what little shitty kid cries when they hear a cuss word? I guess I should say “she”, not “they”. That little twit was a girl, right? It’s been years since I saw that movie. I didn’t have kids yet. Before I had kids I thought that was ridiculous, and now that I have kids I think it’s double ridiculous. “Mommy, she said the f word. Boo hoo.” Really? Your mom’s tits are out, dumbass. You have bigger problems.

And then, when Nomi goes to see that dumb rapist singer guy and she takes off her bra and he says something like “nice top” and she says “wait till you see the bottom” like her bush is magic. What does it do? Sing, dance, release doves? And then, guess what? She’s a mixed martial arts expert. That movie is just full of surprises!

To which Berva replied: EXCUSE ME. The quote is “I like you better topless.”/”Wait till you see me bottomless.” And yes, her vajayjay does all those things. It’s in an MGM musical, after all.

And then another time Berva posted this on FB: It was soft-spoken me and two loudmouths, sharing theories as to why weirdos are so often loners as well. One of the loudmouths said they’re too weird to function amongst normal people, and so I said “It’s like that book, IF I’M SO WONDERFUL, WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?”

But because they were loud and I was quiet, all they heard was the second part, and they both looked at me like I farted at a funeral.

And this one:

That awkward moment when you know the names you’ve given to neighbourhood cats aren’t even close to their legal names. Today I learned that my friend Little Stevie actually is called Sinbad. It is the worst thing since I learned that Ricky and Vicky actually were known as Gilbert and Tchaikovsky. I can only pray that I never learn the real name of my friend Reginald. It’ll be Smoky or Shadow or something and our relationship won’t weather the shame.

It’s true that I once had a neighbour who referred to Pan as Fats, but. What’s not adorable about some random palooka walking past your cat’s personal window and rumbling “‘Sup, Fats?” like she maybe bought him a beer one time when he was having a bad day?

This is without even going into her brilliant tweets. Now I’m one of those dumbshits from Catfish who’s all “I don’t care if she’s not who she says she is. I LOVE her.”

Of course, I would be disturbed if she turned out to be just the other side of my split personality.  She’s not, by the way. I know this because she lives in Vancouver and I don’t have enough skymiles to support this theory. I checked.

I still might call Nev and Max. But only because they’re so cute, and they would take me on a free trip to meet Berva.

*Name has been changed because kiss my ass.

Guest Post by Jesse Suphan: Feral Cats for Russia

 

A group of American animal-loving homosexuals may have temporarily solved the homophobic driven violence in Russia. They have been shipping and releasing huge numbers of feral cats into the cities of Russia. Thanks to a grant provided by the Obama administration, these cats that would have been put down are now being given a second chance. The cats are being captured, sedated, dyed in a variety of rainbow colors, and shipped to random cities in Russia.

“This whole thing started out as a joke. Some friends and I were sitting around smoking pot thought it would be hilarious if we starting mailing unwanted cats to Russia. One thing led to another and we grabbed a cat from the alleyway near my apartment. We gave the cat some Ambien, put that cat in a box, and sent it to Russia. It’s surprisingly easy to get people on board, between their desire to get rid of the screaming of feral cats from their neighborhoods and their dislike for Russian policy,” said the leader of the group Feral Cats for Russia, Penni Jones.

The effect on hate crimes has been quite dramatic. Neo-Nazi Dmitry Konstantin says “I planned on spending the day beating up people I think are gay, but I simply can’t. These feral cats have become more than we can handle. They seem to be in constant heat. It’s unbearable. The gays really got us on this one.”

The Russian Council of Ministers was to pass another bill enforcing anti-gay legislation; however the feral cats have made the Russian White House “ground zero” for breeding. Minister of Justice Alexander Konovalov had this to say: “We try and we try to get in building, the stench is like nothing I have ever experienced. We were going to make it so that the gays would have to be confined to camps. We simply cannot.”

Local LGBT persons have made following comments: “It’s not great, but better than being beaten up I suppose.” -Ivan Ivanovich. “It’s like the cartoon American Tail where the cats destroy the city, but I haven’t had a bottle thrown at my head in days. They have to use all bottles and weapons against the cats.” -Tatyana Ivanovna

Some citizens actually enjoy the feral cat boom. “I have never been so happy to see so many darling cats. I have let as many will fit into my home, and given them all names. I am going to start knitting them all sweaters before the winter,” said Ekaterina Grigorevna, who later died of cat inflicted wounds while trying to bottle feed the cats.

At a press conference this afternoon president Obama was asked if he was worried about having a shortage of cats. He replied, “Have you seen the show Hoarders? I am pretty sure we will have enough cats to start a campaign in North Korea as soon as December.”

Russian scientists have released a statement that says by 2015 the diseased feral cats will outnumber every Russian citizen ten to one. When Vladimir Putin was asked for a statement, he said, “It’s like something from a horror movie. Feral cats everyplace. There is no escape.” He added that he and his family will be applying for asylum with the United States.

If you would like to donate to the cause please visit feralcatsforrussia.com.

 

jesse2 This is Jesse. He’s fabulous and makes me laugh.