Scapegoats and Sacred Cows

Titanic 2: Just like Terminator 2, this one will be way better than the first. Rose is so wracked with guilt over not sharing the door with Jack and letting him freeze to death just so she could have more room to stretch out and relax, she completely loses her mind. She seeks out men named Jack, seduces them and then kills them. Rose becomes the most infamous female serial killer in history.

Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion 2: I love, love, love Romy & Michele. In the sequel, Romy is recovering from a long struggle with bulimia. Michele is married to Sandy Frink (played by the delightful Alan Cumming once again). Michele is super rich so she pays for Romy’s rehabilitation. Romy and Michele return to their fashion design roots, and Romy vows to never eat laxatives again. Heather Mooney (Janeane Garofalo) never got over Sandy Frink, and is actively stalking Sandy and Michele. The movie ends with Heather hanging herself in the Frink’s luxurious master bedroom closet. Get ready for laughs!

Election 2: At the end of the original Election, we see Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon) getting into a limo with politician. She’s working as his aid or something, and stares at him longingly. Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick) sees this happen, and he becomes enraged. In the sequel, Jim stalks Tracy with the intent to murder her. But as he watches her every day for an entire year, he falls desperately in love. He begins to woo Tracy, they eventually get married. They name their first child Tammy, after learning that Tammy Metzler hurled herself off the Brooklyn Bridge when her girlfriend dumped her to take up with a man. After their third child is born, Tracy runs for president and another election debacle ensues. I think this time Mr. McAllister should get beestings on BOTH eyelids.