An open letter to Dr. Neil Clark Warren (eHarmony guy)

Dear Dr. Neil Clark Warren, 

Why are we as a society ignoring the creepy factor of your eHarmony ads? We need to get the grodiness of the eHarmony ads right out in the open. I’m sick of being bombarded with skin-crawling messages meant to be conducive with harmonious love-type feelings.

The one with the goth guy. This guy is obviously a device to distract the viewer from your creepiness. Some old dude plops down across from a woman at some speed dating event to tell her how the cow ate the cabbage and we’re supposed to pretend that’s okay. Oh wait, a goth guy. Now you seem like someone whose car a woman can get into with confidence. Well played, I suppose.

Then there’s the one with your granddaughter. It’s supposed to be cute, I guess. She’s bossing some teacher around about how to date, spouting off statistics about her grandfather’s bigoted dating website. Oh, adorable! Baby’s learning how to support hate very early. Good girl!

And the freaking worst is the ten-year anniversary party where the celebrated couple, who are obviously swingers, sneak off to make-out. No one wants to see a married couple make-out, especially if they’ve been married that long. But their friends burst in and smile as if to say, “Oh, you guys. Making out again!” And then they just stand there, grinning and staring. For someone who thinks gay marriage is wrong, you sure are liberal about swinging.

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, on behalf of TV viewers across the country, please adjust your commercials to something that doesn’t give us the same feeling as when we watch the zombies-eating-innards scenes of The Walking Dead.



12 thoughts on “An open letter to Dr. Neil Clark Warren (eHarmony guy)

    • Penni Jones June 6, 2014 / 2:34 pm

      That’s why I’m here. To point out the creepiness.

  1. scott January 30, 2015 / 8:15 pm

    Amen. The dude oozes something…

  2. tara joan April 21, 2015 / 12:39 am

    and now there’s the one where he’s talking to two little kids about how they can join eharmoney when they’re 21 and the kid says “i wish i was 21 right now!” and the old creepy dude says “don’t we all” or something. how TF did that ever make it past the marketing team!! my husband and i laugh and cringe EVERY TIME.

    • Penni Jones April 21, 2015 / 12:43 am

      I think Dr. Neil Clark Warren must be his own marketing team.

  3. David January 10, 2016 / 7:27 pm

    I just saw another CREEPY EHARMONY add. Can’t the FCC ban this guy? Neil Warren makes my skin crawl. Uuuuugggggghhhhhh

  4. doesn't matter January 24, 2016 / 8:42 am

    It’s OK guys, he’s like 70 years old, he couldn’t possibly go on much longer

    • Penni Jones January 24, 2016 / 1:08 pm

      I bet he has another 20 years left due to all that clean living.

  5. Susan March 11, 2016 / 11:25 pm

    The weirdest one is when he sits there grinning that stupid grin at the girl sitting at the table even after they had said good bye. He’s like some old perverted pedophile.

    • Penni Jones March 11, 2016 / 11:27 pm


      I’d hate to be alone in an elevator with that guy.

  6. chris caldwell March 21, 2017 / 2:02 am

    His commercials are very sexist, too. The latest batch make white men look like idiots. Warren’s probably happy that we are discussing his commercials though. For some reason, advertisers think that if you talk about their commercials, good or bad they must be good commercials. That is obviously not true.

    • Penni Jones March 22, 2017 / 6:18 pm

      You’re right! The men look like idiots, but the women look desperate and needy.

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