True Blood: thanks for wasting our time

Many viewers feel completely cheated after last night’s finale. True Blood was a great show for the first season. And some of us hung in there after that. One reason was that we believed it could return to its early glory. Another reason was Eric’s frequently naked bum. Or for me, it was to see Lafayette and Pam.

Here are some of the highlights of the show that culminated in an utterly disappointing last season:

Remember that time in the first season when Jason punched Sookie and we were all, “Oh no!” He totally should have saved that for any other season, when we would have been fine with Sookie taking a fist to the face.

And then Tara turned that vampire who looked like he escaped from a methadone clinic into massive headwound Harry. That’s not how they die, dumbass. The head has to come all the way off.

Or when Tara ran off and became some sort of wrestler and a lesbian and she was FINALLY interesting so they turned her into a resentful vampire. On the upside, the turning scene with Pam in a sweat suit was kind of the best thing that ever happened.

And when Terry died there was an entire episode devoted to his funeral and flashbacks of his life, but when Tara died it was off-screen and then only person who really gave a shit was her crazy-ass mama. Everybody else was all, “Tara’s dead. This sucks.”

What about the whole Warlow season? What a crock of crap that was. “I’ve been looking for you for hundreds of years. I love you. Now do what I say or I’ll kill everyone.”

Do we even need to talk about Lilith, with her band of blood-covered naked chicks with pube goatees? Nah.

Or when Sookie put Russell Edgington’s dead lover’s remains down the garbage disposal just to be a massive bee-yatch?

And how about Jessica? She kills two of Andy Bellefluer’s fairy children (who apparently suffered from soap-opera-rapid-aging-syndrome), and then he presides over her wedding about eight weeks later. Why not? Time obviously has no meaning in Bon Temps, or Sookie wouldn’t have doinked Bill two days after Alcide was shot right in front of her.

If nothing else, True Blood gave us Lafayette. And our lives are better for knowing him. But why, oh why, was there plenty of Holly in the finale, and no Lafayette except for a flash of his lovely face at the end? If Nelsan Ellis doesn’t have a flourishing movie career soon and I’m going to sue Hollywood for punitive damages. I think that’s a thing, right?

We stuck with this madness for seven seasons, only to have it end with Sookie knocked up by a nameless, faceless beardy guy and spreading out food on an outside table a la Parenthood. And with Sarah Newlin chained up and not feeling thankful. I’m calling bullshit, Alan Ball.

5 thoughts on “True Blood: thanks for wasting our time

  1. cosmopolitewannabe August 25, 2014 / 5:50 pm

    You’re right to be calling bullshit. I am trying my hardest not to get into a rage-filled fan rant but there were so many ways this could have ended. Ways that were less ambiguous. I feel the ending was created ambiguously so that fans would be unable to have a proper reaction. How can you react to something that went so out of left-field??

    • Penni Jones August 25, 2014 / 6:18 pm

      Exactly! So many ways it could have been better. It’s like the writers gave up.

  2. bigberva August 26, 2014 / 4:45 am

    It pissed me off in a lot of ways, but the main thing is what happened to Sarah Newlin, okay, she did a lot of bad stuff, but MOST of those characters did bad stuff, and some of them never redeemed themselves for it, and the show was like eh, so what if Jessica ate a trucker that time, who hasn’t?

    Sarah Newlin saw the error of her ways and tried to make amends, and spent, presumably, the entire rest of her life chained in the dungeon of Fangtasia, stewing in her own filth and crying her eyes out. That is some bullshit, man.

    • Penni Jones August 26, 2014 / 11:41 am

      That really bothered me, too. My favorite Eric and Pam scenes were the ones where they showed a glimmer of humanity. I see why they didn’t just let her go. That would have made for inconsistent characters, not that the writers were usually too concerned with that. But what if they kept her locked up in her own room where she watched reality TV and ate junk food all day?

  3. Penni Jones August 26, 2014 / 12:34 pm

    Also, I know the wedding was last-minute, but I really think Hoyt would have found time to shave. He’s just that kind of guy.

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