Blue: You’re the fun out-doorsy type who’s suppressing murder-urges.
Pink: Time to grow up, princess. Grown women shouldn’t wear tutus. Especially when you’re premenopausal.
Yellow: You are the happiest of your friends. You ooze sunshine like freaking Mary Poppins and everyone hates you for it.
Orange: You have weird boobs. Everyone says so.
Black: Morticia Adams wore it well but you look more like Marilyn Manson without make-up. Yikes! Throw some color on and stop scaring young children.
White: You’re not fooling anyone, slut.
Chartreuse: You like to come off as quirky and unique, but really you just have bad taste.
Red: Way to be classy. Or a slut. It depends on how you wear it. (Your friends think you’re a slut.)
Purple: You’re either really young or really old. Either way you need help wiping.
Scapegoats and Sacred Cows 
You left out green.
You have a furry fetish.