kim kardashian

Greasy ass rant

Penni Jones7 Comments

Ever since Kim Kardashian exposed her greased-up pooping-bits, her bare image has been all over the internet.

The good news is that now the media is leaving Rene Zellweger’s face alone. The bad news is that the media still cares about Kim Kardashian.

The other good news is that ANYONE can look just like Kim Kardashian with the right amount of photoshop. Which is also bad news, I guess. I’m not really sure anymore. I don’t know what’s going on with the world.

Everybody who knows me knows that I like to pretend I’m above it all. I’m too existential to stare at that bulbous ass. But I’m really not.

The American dream has spiraled down the toilet the past two decades. And what better to showcase this spiral than a big ass that became famous from a sex tape with a popstar’s brother? This is the society we have created for our children. Every time we watch reality TV, read a tabloid, or even watch entertainment “news”, we are giving Kim K.’s ass another dollar to wipe with.

It’s time to get it together, folks. It’s too late for us, of course, but we can’t have our children worshipping at the throne of overpaid dimwits who have made a job out of being famous for a sex tape.

That greasy ass summarizes all that is wrong with American society.

What did we learn this year?

Penni Jones4 Comments
  1. America gets a boner for jerk-faces. Every time a celebrity or pseudo-celebrity does something jerky, all forms of social media blow up with everybody spewing their take on it. Simmer down, folks. It’s called a publicity stunt. And you fell for it again.
  2. Miley’s butt and tongue have too much power. They railroaded the news too many times this year. I’m sick of her butt. I don’t mean that figuratively.
  3. Kim Kardashian’s uterus has more pull with the media than social issues. You know, those issues like poverty and oppression. Way to go, Kardiuterus. Maybe you can use some of that power to help people instead of buying cars that cost more than mini-mansions.
  4. Apparently I was wrong this entire time about Simon Cowell being in the closet. Or was I? Maybe I got too close to the truth and he had to knock up some chick to throw me off the trail.
  5. It’s best not to be anywhere near Danny McBride when the apocalypse comes. He’ll drink all the water and then try to murder you. Not to mention what he’ll do to your magazines. Oops- should have said ‘spoiler alert’.
  6. Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams should be in every movie.
  7. Chris Brown is still a douchebag. Can we please stop giving him publicity? Oh shit. Did I just become part of the problem?
  8. Jesus would not want people to have healthcare. It’s true. Just ask Fox News. I think the Bible verse goes, “Only help people who have enough money to take care of themselves. If they’re poor deadbeats, they’re totally supposed to die.” (I made that verse up.)
  9. People love Date-rapey songs by children of 80’s sitcom stars. Especially if there is a Beetlejuice suit involved.
  10. Justin Beiber is still holding off puberty but can’t find a shirt that stays on or pants that stay up. You know what they say: fountain of youth on one hand, clothes that fall off on the other.