My future as a food jerk

As some of you know, I have migraines like a mofo. Well, I did until I got some handy dandy botox. Botulism for headaches, you ask? Yes, indeed. But I’m here to talk about gluten so stop distracting me.

Before the botox I tried going gluten-free to rid myself of those pesky headaches. The diet changes did help with the headaches, but really I just felt better all-around. I had more energy, fewer headaches, and that weird upper-arm rash I’d had since grade school disappeared.

Then I decided I’d rather have cake than be healthy. That’s not exactly how it went down, but I decided to start eating normally again to see what would happen. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say the extra bathroom time has allowed me to catch up on my reading.

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So getting back on the GF train has been an up and down struggle for a few months now. For some reason, I can’t seem to make the commitment I started out with. I guess because this time I know it’s for real. My weird arm dots are back, I can’t get too far from a toilet, and I’m exhausted most of the time. It’s the freaking gluten, and I have to dump it for the rest of my life.

It’s like breaking up with a best friend. I pride myself in not having any weird food things. With the exception of being particularly picky about my hamburger-to-pickle ratio, I’m super easy to deal with at restaurants. Now I’ll be that “do you have a gluten-free menu” person. I’ve waited on those people and they’re assholes.

So I’m here today to announce my future as a food asshole. I hope you will all accept me anyway, as I’ll be less gassy and more energetic.

xo